Don't play the Blame Game!

Don't Play the Blame Game!

By Annette Huygens-Tholen

Have you ever noticed that when accidents happen someone is always looking to put the finger at someone or something? Someone must be responsible. Who is to blame? This can occur between two people just as it can on a global scale. It starts when we are very young - He did it! It was her fault! It can be human nature to point the finger at everyone or everything else but the self, until you realise how disempowering this is.

As long as you put the blame outside of you, it leaves you powerless to do anything other than complain or demand that someone else does something about it.

For every ‘Effect’ (result) in life there is more than just one single ‘Cause’. Even though one finger may pull a trigger on a gun, there are numerous factors that can lead a gun being fired. Despite that, everyone still wants to put their finger on one single cause, one blame. If everyone took responsibility for the small role they play in such a situation, then perhaps change at a greater level can occur.

By believing that I am responsible for everything that happens in my life, I am empowered to find a solution and do something about it. Being responsible does not mean taking the blame or being at fault, because like I said - there are countless factors that cause an event. The purpose for taking responsibility is to be motivated to change the circumstances - this is really an exciting opportunity to access more power and focus than you even knew you had! Rather than transferring the blame to yourself and getting down about it, taking responsibility is about facing a challenge or setback head on, and asking good questions.

You may know people that go through life as ‘victims’ because things happen to them. They feel helpless to change their results and are living reactively, or at Effect. These people have excuses and reasons for everything, blaming others or the circumstances for their woes. For example, some people blame the current economic crisis for their own economic woes. Yes, there are challenges with current economics and yet there are people asking themselves how can they personally succeed in these times? When you step up and take responsibility instead of making excuses, you will get things done.

Let’s look at reasons/excuses why one cannot play sport anymore. Too old? Injured? Cut from the team? Can’t afford to? What if you looked past these excuses and discovered you were responsible for not being able to play sport anymore? If you are finding this a bit hard to do, then just pretend you were the cause for your retirement from sport.

Being at cause allows you to move on, learning from the situation, rather than holding on to the excuse like a crutch or a badge of honor.

We can create situations in our life through our unconscious thinking - the beliefs and expectations we have for our future. It is our habitual thinking, the emotions and thoughts that will most often determine our outcomes. Subconscious fears, doubts, inner conflicts will sabotage our conscious desires. It’s only when you start examining these, truthfully, that you start to see the reason why events occur.

If you are still thinking WHY certain events have occurred in life, perhaps it’s time to look at a higher level meaning. That means looking at your situation and considering what there is to learn from your experience. What message is there to get, that when you get it, will enable you to move forward in leaps and bounds. I believe that most challenges are gifts disguised as problems. When you do learn it, the problems do dissolve as they are only problems in your mind.

Ask Good Questions

Taking responsibility is about facing a challenge or setback, and considering “How did I create this?” and “How can I move forward?” or “What do I do now?” I personally like the “How” question because I can always trust my unconscious to come up with the right answers for me.

The good news is that, armed with this knowledge and being the cause for all your results, you can start taking control of your future results. What do you want to achieve and who do you want to be? Start doing the things today that will produce the desired results tomorrow. Be the cause of your own success. Don’t blame me!

About the author:

Annette Huygens Tholen is a former international beach volleyball player and participated in the 2000 Sydney Olympic Games. She experienced the difficulties of transition from sport and is now a Master Results Coach and International speaker using her learnings and experience to empower others to reproduce emotional and financial success in their life beyond sport. Annette also teaches seminars for the world's biggest NLP Coaching and Training Organisation -The Christopher Howard Companies. For more information on how to create success in your life with the champion mindset, please visit www.annetteffect.com and sign up for the free mini-Ecourse.