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5 Reasons why it Might be Easier to Blame Others

The core message for self-help and personal development is for people to step up and take responsibility for their own lives.  Why do many people find this challenging?  Its because blaming others has been programmed into us by our family and by society.

Here are five reasons why people and children are being led to believe that they don’t have to be responsible or accountable for their actions.  This is placing them at risk.

For all the risk-reduction policies, rules and protection - this is doing us more harm than good.  And here’s why:

1.  It starts in childhood when parents tell kids what they should and shouldn’t do.  It seems that people are losing the ability to make decisions because decisions are made for them.  The “why, because I said so” attitude prevents learning of consequences at an internal level.  It teaches people to do or don’t do things based on what they are told, not on what they think is suitable.

This can occur in workplaces with a dependent culture - you just do what you are told to do, without any explanation, without understanding why.
The “Why” is critical to learning - when you know why you should your shouldn’t do things, you are then able to make a sound decision for yourself.

2. Rules and Laws - every time an incident happens it brings in a reason to bring in a new rule or regulation to prevent it happening again.  Why can’t we just learn the lesson and create guidelines so an individual can make a sound decision next time the problem is encountered. 
Rules and regulations place responsibility outside of personal control.  I was walking a narrow road without side-walks, facing ongoing traffic.  When traffic came my way, I could choose to stay on the road and hope/expect that the car would swerve, or I could step onto the muddy side and take responsibility that I would not get hit.  I may be ‘right’ in the first scenario to stay on the road, but blaming the driver for hitting me wasn’t going to do me any good while I’m laid up in hospital with broken limbs.

Rules can place people in a false sense of security, thinking that the rules will protect them.  This makes them less alert for the dangers around them.

3. Lawyers/litigation - thank you to the legal system, more and more responsibility is being taken away from the individual.  It’s too easy to blame someone else for an incident and profit from it.  Yes, there may be many contributing factors resulting in an incident, but everyone needs to look within and see how they might have prevented being hurt.  Until they do, they have lost the personal power to be in charge of their own life. 
There was a case several years ago in Western Australia where a man sued the local council for not having a sign to warn of the dangers of diving into shallow surf.  He hit his head and ended up a paraplegic.  Terrible, tragic yes;  but don’t we have to take responsibility and check for ourselves that it is safe to dive in.  Do we really have to have signs everywhere to let us know what we can and can’t do?

4. Someone’s to Blame - I think society promotes ‘blame’ and the idea that someone’s got to pay!  Once again, this renders us powerless to do anything about protecting ourselves.  Isn’t it better to consider how you contributed to an incident occurring, learn from it in order to prevent it happening again.  If the same type of problems keep surfacing in your life, the common denominator is you.  Think about it!

5. Ego - it all comes down to this.  People don’t want to admit they made a mistake.  They are embarrassed.  It comes from early programming where mistakes were associated with being ‘bad’, and no-one wants to be ‘bad’!  This leads to people passing blame, and then people becoming defensive, arguments arise and we have lost touch with the fact that people do make mistakes.  The biggest mistake is not learning from them and making a mistake over and over again because of this.

People need to be okay with making mistakes and admitting to them.  This requires cooperation from everyone, providing a safe environment where admitting mistakes is encouraged and even praised.

See mistakes as learning opportunities.  Let young kids make mistakes so they can learn for themselves what works and what doesn’t, what hurts and what doesn’t (within reason - I’m not suggesting your child tries jumping off a roof to see if he/she can fly).  What I am suggesting is having conversations with them to encourage wise decision making, understanding why they are making them and that there are consequences.
Consider how you can start taking more responsibility for your life and the results you are getting.

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by Annette Lynch - 17 Aug 2011

About the author:

Annette Lynch (formerly Huygens-Tholen) is a Success coach, NLP Practitioner, Author and Speaker/Educator helping individuals to change their lives through strengthening Personal Leadership.  Achieving a dream to be an Olympian in 2000, Annette then learnt to overcome her greatest challenge - life after sport.   By studying and applying the mindset skills and attitudes of sport into the game of life, Annette has transformed not only her life, but thousands of others in UK, USA, Aus and NZ through coaching and training.
Her book, "Success beyond Sport" teaches the 8 Winning Points for leading oneself to success - emotionally and financially.   For more information on Annette and how to create success in your life visit www.annetteffect.com  

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